I have been considering how to use my blog as a means to define the truth about adoption through a first moms point of view. So in response to adoption awareness month I will use my truth to dispel the lies I was told by those whose only objective was to shatter my self esteem and steal my children to build a family for a more deserving couple. My hope is that one mother considering adoption will stumble upon my words and seek out other moms of adoption loss before giving in to the propaganda and loyalty force fed to vulnerable confused young women.
LIE NUMBER ONE..
You will move on with your life and eventually forget.
This is the most damaging lie told to me in order to take my children. I spent my late teens to 20's wondering what I was doing wrong. because I never forgot. I abused drugs, alcohol, and even had several suicide attempts all in the pursuit of banishing the thoughts of my children from my mind. but every birthday, holiday, and milestone your child reaches from Halloween to starting school awakens a sadness deep in your soul . but you cant talk about it because youre not suppose to remember and neither will your family and friends. so you will suffer alone in silence praying for peace that will never come. Welcome to the world of PTSD..
which leads me to lie number 2
You will eventually have more children
Yes you may have another child somewhere down the road. that is if your'e lucky enough not to suffer from secondary infertility as many mothers who surrender do. trauma from previous pregnancies and births might potentially cause secondary infertility. this is medical fact not an opinion.
In my world things were totally opposite. When I finally did have another child 10 years later (beautiful twins boy/girl) my loss returned in waves of guilt, grief and fear.
By this time my surrendered children were 10 and 11 years old. I felt like I was being disloyal to them for having more children. I was overwelmingly sad knowing that somewhere out there these beautiful babies had siblings that they would never know. and the constant fear that something would happen to cause me to lose these babies too. I quickly became an overly protective, compulsively attentive mother. every cry whimper, diaper rash and minor illness that all babies experience sent me into a panic. I was so engulfed by the negatives that I spent very little time apreciating the joy of being a mom. It took me a couple of years to finally relax enough to realize that these children were really mine. and that no harm would come to them . these beautiful babies are now going on 20 years old and I can see the lasting imprints of my loss in them. they are my "over" children. over protected, over indulged . I love them with all my heart and they got the best possable mom they could have. but looking back I can clearly see that everything I did for them and with them was a way of showing everyone around me who had refused to help me keep my children that I was a perfect mom.
My message to any woman concidering adoption..
know that it WILL affect your entire life.
you will not forget..
consider ALL of your options. if you are not presented with the option and help available to raise your child , you havent been given true options.
search out moms who had their children taken through adoption years ago . not the rainbow farting I made the right choice ones pushed on you by the agencies.
know the truth...
