adoption loss and reunion have caused a major fracture of my inner personality. I thing I choose to live in this house of mirrors in order to cope with daily life, keeping pain and sadness packed away in neat little boxes until it is appropriate to open them and tend to who ever is looking back in the reflections of my past present and future. The mirror can be a friend or an enemy but they are reflections of me. all different yet all the same.They all contain a glimmer of hope and a desire to someday meld together into one complete person. until that time I will tend to them with the care and compassion that they never had. Slowly and gently leading them through the house of mirrors that is my mind. These are the people I see as I walk through the maze of reflections looking back at me.
Mae- she is the strong silent girl. Mae is Portuguese for mom. She knows her role in her family is that of nurturer. Cheerleader, confidant, nurse, mother and wife. although not always happy with the wife role she accepts that after 22 years not much is going to change. so she makes the best of it. she is not happy but she is content. Her deepest desire is to find a place to fit in to the lives of her stolen children
Diablo Mal- (angry devil) She is the young girl that lost her children to the adoption machine. She has sudden burst of anger. is very hard to contain. speaks her mind often to a fault.She lacks self control. is extremely impulsive.her rage fuels her desire to fight for the underdog every chance she gets.She wants so badly to confront those who took her children and to make them pay for the damage they inflicted on them.
Gemini- Gem is the intellectual side . Shes smart. sees the world in black and white. thinks with her head not her heart. never lets emotions control common sense. She keeps the others in line with facts.
and finally there is Destiny. She holds all of the sadness, despair guilt and emptiness of the others. She lives in a world of grey skys and helplessness. carries the weight of the world on her shoulders and is the most common reflection in the mirror. she fights daily just to maintain . She just wants to know why.
so how has adoption affected my life? it has shattered my heart and soul . taught me to build walls of mistrust, doubt and self hatred that very few can break through. and in the years to come the pieces of me may be repaired. but the scars of my shattered reflections will always be there looking back at me.
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