my journey has begun

So this is my first entry. and although I'm not sure when or where it will end. I do know that I will be wiser and stronger for having the courage to walk through the fire.

The details of the loss of my three children plays out like a lifetime movie. so in a vain attempt to minimize the drama I will explain it in simple terms. 1980 a young naive 19 year old mom in love with an alcoholic and struggling to raise an 4 month old child finds herself pregnant again. (yes same dad) this time with twins. abandoned by her family for returning to the man who disappeared just before the birth of our son. The words " you make your bed you lie in it " will ring in my ears forever. as you can probably figure out dad disappeared again three days after our twins were born. That was the last i ever saw of him. September 1981 enter the baby thief disguised as a friend that only wanted to "help" Alone and desperate I did not see that this so called friend was setting me up for the biggest loss of my life. two months and numerous documented false claims of neglect later I agreed to voluntary foster care placement.From that day on the brainwashing began. what can you offer these children ? they deserve a better chance at a good life. be selfless. If you truly loved them you would do the right thing. and the one that will haunt me forever .. "we have a loving mom and dad that are willing to adopt all three so they will never be apart " Confused, abandoned and given no other options I finally waved the white flag of surrender. because of course these people new what was best. Oh did i forget to mention that my children were adopted by friends of my "friend" who was going to help me get through this.  December 23rd 1981 would be the last time I would see my babies. That is until April 7th 2009 the day my world would once again come crashing down. and the reason I decided to share the joy, heartache, rage and pain that accompany reunion.